OMG….. The wait is killing.
In the next couple of days, I will be receiving my script for meds and plans. AF is due to arrive on the 18th March (so 11 days to go). I tell you, these have been the longest days, weeks, months EVER!!! I JUST WANNA START ALREADY.
Heres a weird story and I will be taking it all as good signs and am projecting it into the universe that this is now the time
A couple of years ago I had a dream, a clear vivid dream of my little boy no more than 4 years old at a “race day” the kids at daycare usually have and he was running and everyone what cheering his name “Chaska” and repeating it over and over again. Alas how I remembered it, I don’t recall ever hearing it before. I get to the office later that day and google it.
“The name Chaska is a baby boy name. The name Chaska comes from the Native American origin. In Native American The meaning of the name Chaska is: Sioux name given to the first son born. Similar Names: Chasya ( Hebrew )”
Are you kidding me!?!?!?!
Fast forward to this morning, I am driving to working and catch a red light. I look to the right and lo and behold a truck drives past with Caska written on it in big bold letters. Its not the same spelling but damn, I will take that as a sign and I claim my son from the universe.
Two months ago I go to see my GP (I have HBP) and we discuss my IF status and he says to me this is the one… you will have a boy. Around the same time, I do the silly indian fortune teller thing everyone was doing on Instagram…. His answer, “You will have a son born Feb 2017.
So herewith I claim my son from the universe. This is the one… I can feel it.
I know I might sound like an absolute lunatic but at this point I couldn’t care less.
So now with all these “signs” in play I am so excited to get started but also shitting bricks a little. I have made one of the biggest mistakes us IVFers make is start compulsively googling everything. My main google topic is ER with only local. Freaking me out. I have had 3 ER, the first one, although I could feel what felt like fire travelling through my veins, up my arms as they administered the GA. I remember telling them, “Its hot, its burning, ITS burning, ITS F*%KING BURNING” boom out for the count. Woke up feeling like a million bucks. The second time, I had mentally prepared myself for Hell’s Fire but nothing. I easily and calmly dozed off to sleep. “I need a bucket please, I’m gonna throw up” nothing happens. They discharge me and I manage to dress myself and my mom walks me down the stairs to the car. I didn’t make it. Luckily I found a toilet in time and puked out my entire gut. That day, I thought I was going to die, literally. I could not stop puking, I couldn’t stand straight, couldn’t sleep. It was the ultimate worst. I had a similar reaction when I woke up from the ectopic removal. The last ER at a different clinic,concious sedation, what a pleasure. I mentioned to the anaesthetist my previous reactions and he knew exactly what to do. I woke up in recovery laughing because I realised I had asked the recovery nurse about 5 times “How many eggs did we get? Ok great! zzzzzz” “How many eggs did we get? Ok great! zzzzzzz” This poor soul was just patiently answering me time. They finally moved me back to the general ward where I was chatting away until my RE came and discharged me.
I don’t recall ever having pain after ER, I had a little spotting here and there but no real pain. Even after the salpingectomy for the ectopic, I was getting out of bed, taking a walk within about 4 hours after the surgery that removed both my tubes. I recalled another lady in the bed opposite me was screaming crying from the pain and she just had her tubes clipped. So compared to her I reckon my pain threshold was through the roof. Nevertheless, I am still scared. Yes, scared. Not nervous or anxious. I am effen scared.